My stuff isn't for everyone.

My life is triage.

He had the radio turned to some Spanish-language station at a volume that reminded me of the holding tank at Riker’s Island – and for an added touch of authenticity he screamed ‘Maricon!’ and waved his fist out the open window at another driver who had the audacity to attempt to share the road with us.

Your Honor,” Blumberg rang out, “every dog must have his day!” And he got perhaps the first standing ovation ever given in New York City night court.

Hard” isn’t the same as “mean”.

The Humane Society of America thinks Michael Vick should have a dog. I think whoever’s in charge there should have a lobotomy.

Perfection cannot be achieved by men,” he told me. “Our highest calling is the pursuit of perfection. My haiku will be finished when I die, but it will never be perfect.

Going to prison is pretty common. Coming out a better person than when you went in, that’s never been done.

Pervasive abuse and neglect of children is a greater danger to our species than cocaine and Communism combined.

If you can’t be counted on, you won’t be counted in.